22/10/2009

It's been so long Sayang since I last updated ...But nevertheless u are always on Ibu's mind 24-7 ...Sayang In other hand good thing you are safely in heaven because this world are full with too many cruel people out there ...HUMAN can be so heartless and because of this the world are so filthy ...The commit sins like there's no end of the world.Alhamdulilah sayang I have HIM to guide me and YOU as my motivator ...Insyallah...

Sayang Ibu will visit you this weekend Ibu just miss you too much ...

Things will be so different rite if you are around ...Sayang how time flies its been 10mths since i heard your first cry and almost 9mths since Ibu saw you...

Come to my Ibu dream sayang and we can have a good time together ...Luv U always ...

Ur IBU...

Missing U

To my Lil Soldier ...Hizqil Nur Aiman

Allah saw you were getting tired, and a cure was not meant to be So he put his arms around you, and whispered come with me With tearful eyes we watched you, as we saw you pass away Although we love you deeply, we could not make you stay Your golden heart stopped beating, hard working hands at rest Allah broke our hearts to prove to us... He only takes the best

Love U..

Remind me of him ...

AKU RASA SEDIH SANGAT MASIH TERINGAT TANGISAN NYA BERMAIN DALAM DIRI KU ,HIZQIL NUR AIMAN CAHAYMATA KU YANG KU NANTI KAN TELAH MENINGGAL KAN KU TERLEBIH DAHULU . DIA BERADA DI SISI ALLAH YANG MAHA ESA ...ISTIMEWA SUNGGUH KAMU SAYANG HINGGA ALLAH MEMILIH MU UNTUK BERSAMANYA SELAMA LAMANYA ...
IBU TAK PERNAH MENDUGA INI LAH KESUDAHAN NYA ...KAMU MELIHAT DUNIA YANG KOTOR NI HANYA UNTUK 2 BULAN ...
IBU RASA SUNGGUH KEHILANGAN PUKUL TERAMAT KUAT SEKALI ...IBU PERCAYA ADA HIKMAH DISEBALIKNYA...
IBU MOHON UNTUK BERADA DI SISIMU UNTUK SELAMANYA...
MUDAH MUDAHAN PERMOHONAN IBU AKAN DIKABULKAN ALLAH SATU HARI ...AMIN

07/07/2009

Sayang Ibu sorry eh dah lama Ibu tak write to U ...

Maman Ibu rindu sangat Ibu will go and visit you soon tau ...

Today marked the 5th month syou left us ...

But it still fresh in Ibu mind the days when i Gave birth to you ...

Those are the special moments which will never be erased in my life ...

Maman even though you are up there looking at Ibu ...

But I always felt you stay so closed in Ibu's heart ...

Our bond are just way too speacial ...

Ibu will always remember u sayang No matter what happen you are my LOVE ...

Love ,

IBU

18/6/2009

Maman ibu so sorry for not writting to you for so long so many things happen lately but Ibu knew Maman is up there praying for Ibu ...Not easy for ibu to go thru this alone it such a heart Wrecking News for all of us ...Everything shattered after what we have built for so many years ...

Maman Ibu just so super sad ...Things are just not the same anymore ...
Maman now Ibu understand so much Y u are not with us ...
Maman Ibu just need you to comfort ibu all the time ...
Ibu felt so lonely sayang ...

Never never expect this to happen especially after you left us but still means nothing ...HUH!
Maman and Ibu we just love each other too much k sayang ...
Ibu know Maman is waiting for Ibu down there and insyallah we will...
Insyallah all this happen ada hikmah nya ...
Sesiapa yang berlaku jahat biarlah dia dgn allah yang menguruskan nya ...
Balasan pun biarlah datang darinya ...Amin

Ibu will find time to visit Maman soon ...
Ibu bought u lots of new stuffs
You see it soon Muackssssssss...Sayang anak Ibu

02/06/2009

Maman Ibu so sad in fact while writting to you tears can't stop ...

Never felt this sad since last u left me

Maman COme to Ibu dream sayang ...

Pray for Ibu n ayah ok I know U such a GOod Boy ...

Ibu Miss u Sayang ...

23/05/2009

Maman...Ibu felt so empty and lonely ... How Ibu miss u so much sayang only Allah knows... Whenever Ibu visit people blog or multiply Ibu saw their happy moments with their babies Ibu really feel the pinch ... How Ibu wish Aiman with ibu to share the happy moments in life ... But Allah knows better sayang ...U're just not meant to be mine hence he took u away after less than 60 days in this world Aiman not easy for Ibu to carry on and move on without you by my side but Ibu have to no matter what ... Ibu knew Aiman is up there looking after Ibu ...We will meet one day ok Sayang Come to ibu dream so we can play together ... Ibu love you always ...

17/05/2009

Aiman you left ibu 100 days has gone...

Ibu went to your "Home" ...clean it for you ...

Put your toys neatly ...Hope you like it...

Ibu miss Aiman lotsss...What Ibu feeling now is just like roller coaster ...

but one thing for sure Aiman will always sits in Ibu's Heart ...

Aiman is all over Ibu ...

Love you Sayang Aiman...

9/05/2009

Sayang ...Ibu is resting well at home Ibu was given 2 weeks of hospital leave ...

Ibu don't feel good lately ...

Sayang today is the eve of Mother's day Sayang pray for ibu k ...

Tomorrow ibu going to your lil house with ayah ,tok su , uncle matz

Omah sakit lah sayang so she can't follow...

Sayang ibu can't sleep last night keep having flashback of the moments we spent together ...Memories that left deep inside ibu ...

Ibu just Miss Aiman Toooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Much :(....

Something for you Aiman ...Ibu Love u Sooo much

The days, the weeks, the months have gone by
I can't mend this broken heart no matter how hard I try
I think about you every day
You were so perfect in every way
3.91kg when you were born so big and strong
Black eyes, dark brown hair and 53cm long!
You had your mum's face and no doubt would have dad's charm,
Your breathtaking smile...

Memories so bad they cut to the grain
My hopes and dreams were shattered when you left
I had to pick up the pieces and try to do my best
Its hard to be brave and say its ok
when you really you don't want to face another day

You fought so hard against all odds
You were the unfortunate one in a million they said…..
When they called us into that room, I think we knew
that we were going to have to have to let you go
In my head I screamed out ‘oh no'!
When that heartbreaking moment came, it felt like a knife,
going straight into our hearts.. .
the pain to remain for the rest of our lives

The vows we took couldn't keep us together
No matter how hard I tried, it wasn't going to be forever...

HIZQIL NUR AIMAN, our little soldier..,



We wrapped you up tight and took you outside to say goodbye
The sun shone down from the big, blue sky
And in our mind's eye the wings appeared to help you fly.


Allah bless your soul
You special, little man
You're loved, you're cherished, you should be here
But one day we'll meet again, I have no fear.


Luv ,

Ayah & Ibu

03/05/2009

Sayang ,Allah still don't want to give ibu ...

Ibu so sad on the 30th April Ibu bleed so much till ibu got admitted to SGH ...

Aiman still another one don't belong to Ibu its like history repeating itself but just in different way fate ibu guess just not the time for Ibu and Ayah ...Insyallah it will come one day amin...

Aiman ibu felt so close to you sayan even though you'r enot physically with ibu ...

Aiman ibu received news about nadirah ur fren in NICU ...She left us too sayang...She's with you now...

Have Fun all my angels up there ...

Remember Ibu will always Love you and Ibu knew One day we meet Insyallah ...Amin...

29/04/2009

Aiman , Ibu went for check up yesterday and the news we got is not that positive ...

Sayang please pray for ibu safety ...

Ibu miss u soo much darling ...

Ibu's working place has been treating ibu so mean ...

Ibu so down nowadays ...How Ibu wish you're here with Ibu to Cheer Ibu up sayang ...

Luv U my lil Angel ...

22/04/2009

Assalamualaikum Aiman anak Ibu ...

Tomorrow Ibu Birthday sayang Ibu used to imagined celebrating Ibu birthday this year with you in my arms but With his willed it never happen ...

allah knows wats best and wats is stored for our future ...

Whatever happen there's a reason sayang ...

Allah love you so much that he's not willing to be apart from you that long and its not easy to be the choosen one ...

Ibu know you be waiting for Ibu there and there where we can happily ever after insyallah with all Ibu's good deeds in this world ...Amin

Aiman pray for Ibu k ...Ibu really miss aiman So much and Yup Ibu bring your blue Shirt wherever Ibu go ... Just to have a Smell of you :)

Luv U Aiman Muacksssss...

17/04/2009...

Ibu miss sayang too much yesterday ibu cry but ayah scolded ibu ...

sayang Allah really testing ibu patience ...

Sayang pray for Ibu health ok ibu know you will...

Sayang come to Ibu dream ...Ibu want to play with you even its just a dream Ibu still appreciate it alotsssss...

Ur presence in Ibu life is really meaningful ...

Sayang Ibu put ur pic on Ibu New Lg Hp u soooo Hensem lah ...

Like Ibu always say You are just toooooooooo beautiful for this earth ...

Love Ibu ...

13/04/2009

today nenek will go and visit you ...

Ibu bought for you new windmill and F1 Cars ...

Hope you like it sayang ...

you be good ok my Soldier ...I know you're sooo brave even as a baby ...

Someone like you is like 1 in a million ...

Ibu will come again soon Miss you Sayang ...

Pray for Ibu ...

Sayang pray for Ibu ok ...

Protect Ibu k sayang ...i know you're my lil hero which i can depend on ...

Ibu miss Aiman lah ...

2mths Gone...

Sayang its been 2 months since you departed from this earth ...

nothing much change except we've moved to another house ...

From SImei to Punggol , this new house is meant for you sayang it so empty without you...

We've left that house in Simei filled with 1001 memories ...

Sayang Ibu missed you a lot and you still the first ...

Luv you Aiman ...

We spent the whole night together for the last time ...

You were on Ibu & Ayah bed Never expect this way but Allah know what's best for us sayang ...

Everybody came to pay their last visit for you ...

You were just too special in their eyes...Like Ibu always said You were just too beautiful for this earth ...

We sent you to your final resting place on the morning of 08/02/2009...You had your last bath and slowly everybody bid their last goodbye to you Sayang ...

BLK 429 ,LiM Chu Kang Muslim Cemetary ,No.372B is the final destination for you ...

But You will Always be in Ibu Heart ...LOve U AIMAN...

seventh february two thousand nine

Allah love you more sayang ...

You left us peacefully around 2.45pm ...

Ibu felt So empty ...Ibu have to stay calm whatever happened

Whatever happened ...there's a Reason ...

What's in store for Our Future only Allah know ...

Like Ibu always said maybe you're just too beautiful for this earth...

IBU WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU ...YOU'RE IN MY HEART FOREVER...

The Eve ...

On Friday 06/02/2009

Ibu & Ayah Stayed in the Hospital ...As per normal Just to feel the closeness ...

Mom ,Tante Intan is also there with us ...Nenek,Nyai,Atok went back ...

We came to visit you around 11pm to bid goodnight and chaged your MP3 battery ...

Just to make sure sayang got the warmth ...

Never Imagine That will be your last night in that CURSED place that is KK HOSPITAL Room 34 BEd 14...

Never Give UP

Daily Ibu will express the milk and tubefeed you ...I knew you liked it ...

Ibu,Nenek,Ayah,Nyai all of us will be with you from day till night there's even one time where we stayed at the family room for almost 2weeks just to be closed to you sayang ...

Not even a day i missed my visiting moments for you ...

Ibu & Ayah even bought MP3 for you ...Remember???

All the fav songs ...are just for you ...

Ibu hope Allah guide Us what is his will and what is the future holding for us ...Amin ...

A week Later ...

You're in Coma State ...

Clinically they assumed as Brain Dead...My dreams are shattered Everything Broke into miliions pieces ...

Despite that All of us still there for you daily ...Ibu still hope miracle will step in ...

Ibu Read for you cookie monster story ...u remember sayang ...

Bought you Einstein book u love it don't you ....

buy you toys...Got ur New booties & Bedtime cap ...

You're the most beautiful baby born...just too beautiful for this earth ...

LUV U AIMAN...

The Nightmare...

The nightmare begin for us the whole family ....Sayang they found out there's blood clot in your main vessel ...thats the reason why you can't breathe properly and blood can't flow to the lower part of your body ...


The blood clot is growing near your kindney area ...No surgeon dare to step in for surgery since its too major hence you're given blood thining agent ...but before that you're sent for CT scan to ensure your brain is fine and they assured everything is okay,medication started but the side effect is the one we worried about easily bleeding ...YES sayang Ibu SO scared keep Asking the doctors "IS THIS LIFE THREATENING???"they say hard to say ...I Felt so anxious everyday i came to your room daily without failed but eventually the worst part that I'm really so scared to take place did happened...

The 4th day after medication given You had fits ...Sayang wats happening ???Ibu soooo Scared ...Your Blood pressure keep going on the high side...there's so many lines on your body ...
I feel like slapping all the STAFFS in KKH ...JUST HATE THEM !!!!

after another round of scan ...Found Out your brain start to bleed!!!!!

The Worst step in ...

IBU MISSSS AIMAN TOOOO MUCH

You Never WOke up since than A week later

5 days @ SCN

This is the best part ibu played with you ...Feed you ...Change dur diapers ...hear you cry ...Saw your smiles...

At that point your only problem is Feeding ...And you're still on tube feeding ...Doctor mentioned not to worry this is quite common eventually they will learn ...

But after the 3rd day in SCN the nurse said your Heart rate is on the high side and the worries came in ...

Ibu still remember it was on sunday 21/12/2008

As per normal Ibu & Ayah accompany you throughout the Day Ibu just don't feel right Ibu came to comfort you around 3pm and put you to sleep ...

By 5pm Ibu came and heard you crying so loudly and found out they took blood test from you after so much of crying half of you turned white and from that moment Ibu know you're so sick sayang ...

Than You're again Being Pushed to NICU...

IBU HEARTS Shattered sayang Never felt so scared like that sayang ...

IBU HEART AIMAN...

SCN

A day later Ayah visited you but Ibu was at home having a good rest ...

You was tranfered to SCN alhamdulilah ...

Ibu is just so over the moon start to annouce officially over FB & Multiply ...

But That is just the Beginning ...

Aiman my lil Hero our relatives & frens been wanting to see you but i keep saying "HOLD ON SOON K"

IBU MISS AIMAN...

BP up and DOwn again

Maybe Ibu was just too worry about you when you're in NICU for the first fewdays and when ayah is not around Ibu ...Ibu felt so scared

Ibu Blood pressure is still on the high side but inisist on going back sorry sayang if only Ibu can sleep and stay with you at NICU sure Ibu will...

Ibu was discharged after 5days in hospital but you're still in NICU at that point ...

At that point IBU is just so restless and Ibu just got the feeling sumting is coming whether its good or bad ...

IBU LOVE AIMAN...

13/12/2008

It was 6pm visiting hours when ibu first saw you ...Ibu can't believe you're the one sayang u're toooo beautiful to be on this earth .I touched you and sing you the song that i always sang for you when you're in Ibu tummy...you so cute the moment i sang it you cried out loud ....

i still have the videos till now for the memory sake ...

the next moment that came thru my mind i just want to breasfeed you and hold u tight...

12/12/2008- 1559

I don't even know your gender darling till you was born ...my lil hero is full of suprises whether its good or bad ...

You're such a big boy sayang 3.915kg & 53cm long ...

Ibu so proud of you ...They put you to NICU due to your sugar level low ...I'm so worried how i wish i can hug you and let you feel my warmth like you always used to when you're in my tummy sayang ...

but Ayah say you be fine no worries and dat relief my worries and ibu had a good sleep till the next day ...

Labour Ward

I was 37weeks pregnant when admitted on the 10th Dec due to my blood Pressure on the high side ...Shephali admitted me and due to be induced at night time.

I'm a overweight diabetic mum with controlled sugar level throughout my pregnancy for 9mths . This is my first pregnancy and my diabetic is only detected when i was 3mths pregnant . Hypertension came along when i was 8mths pregnant . Monthly i will have 2 doctors that monitor my condition Shehphali ( KKH ) my gynae and Jackie ( TTSH ) diabetic .

So far throughout my pregnany journey everything was smooth despite the diabetic never expect the biggest test in my life is coming to my way soon ...

Gynae insisted me going for normal delivery and i really regret it till now ...I waited for 38hrs in the labour ward before i was pushed for emergancy c-section due to the fever i had .

To many people suprised i really can endure the long hours but what i think about is just my baby nothing else ...

HIZQIL NUR AIMAN my HERO...